Painting Bliss

Journal Excerpt - Growth, Fear, and Manning Up

 

A Day, A Month, This year 2013

 

 

    Each year a bird either deconstructs their previous years nest, or they create a whole new grassy abode. They know just what to do and how to do it. Creative little nesters!

It's a good and healthy practice to regularly re-evaluate your life and the place where you live. To ask yourself, am I still content? Do I feel the need for change? Are we still here or do we see bigger opportunities just past the treetops?

There are other questions as well. Like, Do I prevent greatness by coddling my own personal fears? Fear, in my book should be considered a disease. Something to be diagnosed, treated, and hence forth rehabilitated. It shreds your insides to pieces. Fear brings with it so many other symptoms, it's just the first domino to a whole mess of dominoes that slam down upon each other.

It's okay to be vulnerable (when your safe), it is when we let down our guard that goodness seeps in. Like the water that splits stone, it pushes all the bad out of the way - only leaving room for the right things you need (and personally choose) to put into your life. Sometimes holding onto things can only increase the fear discussed above.

It's a cycle, break it.

~ NOW ~

I ask... why tread lightly where tiptoeing begs to be heavy foot falls? Why stand alone, when you can hold onto another? Why linger in doubt, when you can linger in living life out loud?

Live LOUD - Split the stone - BE the water (dammit)

_________________________________________________

I have been casting out fear for about a month now. Choosing to return to my past personal motto of "No one said I can't, so I will"... and that is because I am capable of ANYTHING, and so are you! Somewhere, somehow I lost myself. Cast out good people, good things, and let the negative in (lots of it, cause negative brings friends). We all do it... I'm not afraid to admit to you today that I am guilty of such things.

That's right, little miss sunshine once in awhile sticks her head up her ass!

 

 

So I stand here, a creature of the sun - arms cast outward in full surrender. I invited myself back to the party, and holy shit I showed up! Not only did I show up, but I was (and am) the coolest person at the festivities! Anyone bring refreshments? This post has me thirsty!

All jokes aside though...

I'm performing a personal exorcism, and I'm not afraid. I go forth chest puffed out like a robin at dawn. I claim what is mine, who is mine, and march like a soldier manning up for war. I take ownership of things I have done, the person I have been, and the person I am striving to be.

I know where I BELONG. I know where I want to BE. I know who I am meant to be WITH.

Do you?

Have you evaluated lately?

 

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Coffee Conundrum

 

 

 

While visiting my grandmother the other day I couldn't help but stop and meander through some antique shops on the way with my mom. Narrow isles and shelves and surfaces lined with everything old and dusty is a treat that I can't even begin to explain. I am a magpie, taking home and filling my nest with the things that most strongly catch my eye. You can imagine how hard it is for me to leave something behind that I can't afford on that particular day. It's okay though, I leave with the intention of visiting again when I can and hoping the item is still there. Like a vintage globe perched on a vintage surveyors tripod I left behind... stomping like a two year old out the door. "But Mom.......... I want it! I want it now!"

 

 

 

I have to say though that I made out extremely well. I came home with an antique travelers trunk, farmhouse stovetop percolator, two lovely tin boxes, and an array of old drinking glasses to continue our growing collection. And yes, we really do use them! That's the thing with us, we rarely buy something we can't use. Every antique that departs with us is brought home and put to task. Every morning we percolate our coffee on a 1962 coffee maker. It makes the cleanest, most robust coffee which I can't wait every morning to drink.  Alas, I have to wait though... because another thing it does so perfectly well is heat the coffee to a temperature just above burn your taste buds off. My poor husband has to stare at his to go cup for most of his one hour ride to work just waiting it out.

I wanted to use the vintage metal stove top perc I found for a whopping $2 just about imimmediately... I carefully measured my grounds, measured the water into the water compartment (I think it's the water compartment), turned the flame on and waited. It did great! It did wonderful... except for the grounds in the water and the boiling over. HA! This morning, it was a second attempt after talking to some girlfriends on Instagram... again trouble. Repeated the same process as the morning before but this time the coffee came out almost see through. Dammit, stomp stomp, huff!

The percolator has three compartments... the main carafe - then the inserts which go as follows. Grounds insert on the bottom which fits snuggly into an upper portion where water goes... I think.

 

 

So does anyone know how to use one of these?

Suggestions?

Advice for the technically inclined?

 

 

 

Top 10 Reason Why it's Cool to be an Artist

 

 

 

 

 

String Me Up - String Gardens

 

 

 

So lately I have been a bit of a Pinterest whore... but hey, aren't we all? Pinterest, a place full of idea sharing is just a tip of the domino that knocks down others until there is a plethora of ideas all having a giant orgy together. You naughty naughty Pinterest with all your loose ways...

Anywho! my top search on Pinterest as of late has been garden ideas... whoa, big surprise right!? You totally couldn't have guessed! Be honest, your completely floored! No? fine then... guess I'm just a silly transparent window then! It's ok, no feelings hurt! But seriously, I have found a pretty cool thing I think I'm gonna give a whirl... string gardens. Not really a "garden" per-say as much as a really modern - cool - funky garden add in.

 

 

It appears to be simple, and I like simple! Especially when simple looks so damn cool! A string garden is basically taking a plant, wrapping the root ball up in twine, then covering with moss or grass seed - then wrapping again and hanging it up like a Christmas ornament! Now, these contraptions can be hung indoors... but the problem I see with this... is that when you water it, your bound to have puddles on your floor! Funny... none of the tutorials mention the mess. Sooooooo I am going to make mine and hang them outdoors from hooks or trees.

Here is a super cool, nice, and visual tutorial if you would like to join along with me! I take no credit for this idea as my mind just didn't create it and well it's gone to big for me to even try and take the credit! Plus, taking credit for other peoples ideas is just a big NO NO! (I don't partake)... I also take no credit for the images posted here today, each picture is linked to where it came from (see me covering my artsy non photo stealing ass?).

Now, I do promise to show you my hangy thingies once I make them! I really can't wait... I went all ass ho on my gardens over the past month and so they are already done and waiting for mulch... being a creature who desires to get her hands dirty I now must supplement my need to garden with ideas such as this!

Rock on with your gardening self!

 

 

 

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Cultivate my Soul

A Day of Adventure and Chips Please

 

 

Our day started in our own separate fluffy hotel beds, stretching out and saying to each other "what do we wanna do!?". 

I have been driving in Texas!! HA! I'm a bad passenger and often find myself nauseated and feeling close to death. Okay maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but it feels like that when I am in the throws of a stomach turning bout of UGH! So yup, I've been driving! It's fun and Jax makes an awesome travel guide. It's so refreshing to not be on any type of schedule.

We go, do, and drink coffee whenever and wherever we want.

 

 

 

Breakfast at Starbucks and a drive onto the Galveston Ferry. I have never been on a ferry let alone drove a car up onto one! It was such an experience! Once securely on board and moving, we got out of the vehicle and perched over the edge of the boat. The laughing gulls chased us as the pelicans which I have aptly named aviators for their precise flying skill graced the sky off shore. Back in the car, driving off the ferry, we drove twenty or so miles on High Island where we checked out the local graveyard and after made our way to the beach and stayed for hours just combing through piles of shells looking for sea glass until we decided we were hungry and had to pee.

 

 

Turkey wraps, a soda I couldn't open, and a bag of chips and we were setting up camp back on the beach!

 

 

 

 

There are only so many chips you can eat in one sitting and we found the perfect way to use the rest... by sharing!

 

 

 

 

These feathered friends had extreme precision! After throwing chips to them we began to throw them straight into the air over our heads! These laughing gulls knew where it was at for sure!

 

 

 

 

We said goodbye to the beach, rode the ferry again, and drove back to Galveston and walked the strand. There I bought my first cowboy hat (straw one) and some souvenirs to bring back home. I have fallen in love with italian sodas which are flavor mixed with I think sparkling water. My first one was a lemon drop, yesterday I decided a perfectly pink strawberries and cream was in order. After a long day of adventure we two girls were worn the #$%# out. Crashing early back at Jacquie's humble abode was a immediate necessity.

Did I mention I saw dolphins!?

 

 

The Art Project of Houston

 

 

 

Graffiti art IS art. It's an amazingly colorful and inspiring medium I have completely no understanding of. The idea of using different tips on the end of spray cans to complete a larger than life perfectly blended piece of art just blows my mind. Who knows, maybe someday I will have the opportunity of trying out some can art!

After poppin' tags at the nearest thrift outlet we took a hop, skip, and not even a jump to a series of buildings amazingly decorated with works of evolving and ever changing art. This project is called the Houston Art Project, supported by the Bread of Life and funded by the Rice University.

Jax and I wandered down paint laden corridors as we talked in our best white girl street slang. Cameras snapping and lines like "I'll pop a cap in yo ass" echoed off the walls.

Here are images I took at the Houston Art Project. I was blown away at every turn, by every new amazing piece of WOW!

 

 

 

 

 I told Jax I would pay her a whole dollar to lay on one of those couches, but she declined (come on! lol).

In my opinion every town, city, and place should donate an abandoned building to this sort for cause. Not only is the cause great, but the public gets to experience graffiti art in a positive light.

 

Before and After the Sun

 

 

Five thirty in the morning is a strange time of day if you ask me. It's still dark, the body fights against you if you have a reason to wake. I make my psychiatrist appointments for 6:15, and I make them for a very real reason. Of course I need my prescriptions, but another reason is something all together more pure.

It's still so cold in the morning, 20 degrees if your lucky and as I get in the car shivering gently I wait for the heat to come to a comfortable enough warmth to blast it full strength. At this hour, there are no children in my car so I can put on my music, and I can put it up loud. I sing along pretending I am just as good as the artist singing it... and just take this time to be alone with my thoughts. I used to enjoy this sort of time when I once had a regular 9-5 o' clock job. I watch cars file out of their driveways, lights on, like ants climbing out from an ant hill. The only souls awake at this hour are those going to work, farmers tending to their cows, and me. Or atleast it feels that way, it could just be me and my good imagination. At times on this drive I can convince myself I am the only one awake at all.

I arrive with a few minutes to spare, step out with a shiver and skip quickly inside. A jolt of un-needed anxiety leaps up my throat so I disguise it by looking at the poorly un-focused/over sized photography on the wall.  He calls me in and I follow him down the hall that is never clean. My appointment is quick and could probably be quicker if it wasn't for the doctors bad jokes about the pope and comments on how he can better decorate his office, but how he has to do it so there is nothing a patient can throw at him. He's very forgetful. I could tell him the same thing each time I see him, and the next time, and he wouldn't remember I mentioned it the time before. I observe people like a scientist observes a molecule through a lens. I always have, I love doing it. The doctor continues to tell me how one patient once tried to kill him, yet when I paid my copay and made my next appt. that he has scissors and a stapler at less than arms reach from me... I point this out to him and he chuckles and makes another poorly planned joke... it really cracks him up! I laugh because of how hard he laughs at himself. It's good to make yourself laugh I think. Nah, I know it is! Before I leave he asks me what time I want my appointment and I say "same time"... "your a real trooper" he replies. I shake my head no and say, "I do it for the sunrise".

I do it for this...

 

 

and I definitly do it for this...

 

 

I do it for the sky that starts off lavender then moves forward to so many other beautiful hues. I feel exceptionally blessed to see the sun rise. It's special... and the real finale is when the actual sphere of light peeks over the mountains. It's amazing I don't run off the road how often I look behind me and into the rear view mirror. I wonder if everyone is just as excited to see the day begin a new. To hear the chatter of red wings and see the flutter of newly welcomed robins as they wake from their hiding places. The sides of every house is a fire, without smoke or destruction. They are bathed in an amber ale color, they glow and it looks so warm. I arrive home just in time to smell coffee, kiss my family, and anticipate the next time I get to see the sky burst into flame. I don't take such amazing feats of nature lightly. When is the last time you watched the sun rise?

 

 

 

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First Hike of the Season!

In Which I Realize I Like Me

 

 

 

I had this realization the other day, and I think it's a biggie...

I like me

Me, myself, and I are seeing eye to eye for the first time ever!

We are spending a lot of time getting to know eachother.  It feels like I have just met myself... really met that is... and I'm gonna go out on a limb and say we really "click".  I look in the mirror now and say "hey, you're cute... and really awesome" instead of "what's wrong with you? Go on with yourself". I'm flirting with me. Taking care of me. I'm nurturing all things that make me happy.

It's amazing what a good therapist, some good medication, and the right direction can do for you. That's right, I said THERAPIST and MEDICATION. They're awesome, both of them!

I think a lot of people go through their days either hiding that they are suffering mentally, that they are on medication not wanting anyone to know, or that they really don't like themselves truly when they say that they do.

There is no shame in taking medications to maintain your sanity.

There is no shame in therapy.

If the end result is LOVING yourself whole heartedly... and liking who you are as a person, then if you ask me it's a win win situation.

There is no shame in having depression or anxiety or anything else for that matter. It's just as medical as heart disease or diabetes. Would you leave those untreated?? NO! So love yourself no matter what your flaws. It's been a long battle for me that I finally feel like I'm throwing a lasso around. Everyone deserves happiness... true happiness. I didn't think it was possible, the stuff of fairy tales... but I assure you that it is.

 

 

 

 

I'm smiling more, and for no reason at all a lot of the time. I've even gone as far as to say the words "I feel happy" out loud... even when I worry saying it out loud will jinx me!

  So yeah, I like me and I think I'll take me out for coffee. No... wait, not coffee - Chocolate. Because I know that I like chocolate and giving myself something I love only proves to myself that I am acknowledging my needs and truly listening to what I have to say.

But I'll probably want coffee too... so coffee and chocolate it is.

 

My Week Through The Eyes of Instagram 1/14 - 1/20

 

 

“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

 

 

If you enjoy my Instagram photos and would like to follow my feed, feel free to do so

@Paintingbliss

 

Thank You!

 

 

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Pillow Talk and a Threesome

 

 

So I'm having a little affair with... my pillow.

 Please don't tell my new pillow, but I'm still seeing my old one. I thought my old pillow wasn't treating me well. Our relationship had gone, oh how should I put it? Flat. So I was out and about seeing what caught my eye one day when this new, fresh, and voluptuous thing came my way. I couldn't say no. It was irresistible.

So I took it home, helped it take its outerwear off and let it into my bed. It looked good there, it had a lot of promise and I decided to kick my old pillow out. Literally. On the floor. I had had it with its attitude... it was making me feel uncomfortable. It wasn't fulfilling my needs. It had been many a moon since we connected and well I just felt it was time.

The first time me and the new fling spent the night together I was so excited. More than I probably should have been... as far as pillow talk goes this new and soft landing place had it all. I cuddled up and had no problem getting cozy, it felt so right.

It felt so right that is...until the next morning. You know, that awkward moment when you wake up and realize your rose colored glasses fell off... that you need to slink out before the other notices. No need to leave a note, I just slid out of my covers and made sure it wasn't looking when I left. It's always so touchy these things, you feel so guilty and dirty... even a little ashamed.

The day after was rough, my neck hurt... I went through my whole day wondering which way I should go. New pillow? Fresh start? Or my old pillow...

I couldn't help it you see... I went back like a puppy hit with a newspaper, tail between my legs. I sort of ho hummed, didn't really give an apology. I think my face must of said it all cause my old pillow didn't say a word. That night I cuddled up with it under my head and it felt so familiar. It didn't mind that it was sloppy seconds. In fact, I think it might have liked it... to be the one that won.

But did it? I still had feelings for the new pillow? I thought about all the what if's. What if I gave it another chance? What if I gave it time to break in... it too could become what I needed with a little molding. What should I do?? My mind was a mess with the ideas and possibilities both could offer...

So I gave in and now I'm sleeping with both. At the same time.